hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
false alarm, still single
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
