I puked a lego.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
