better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
