I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
