Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
