Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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