I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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