the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
