..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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