everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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