Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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