I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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