shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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