Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
