I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
