He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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