I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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