went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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