Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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