Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
