first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
