he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
