it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
