Kiss
Puke
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
