Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There are leaves in my underwear?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
