I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
