Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
