he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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