Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
