Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
