My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
