The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
