I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
