everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
