He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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