The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
