FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You're earring is so big in my mouth
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
