Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
