Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
