I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
