last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
