I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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