All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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