i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
