OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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