i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
sarcasm needs its own font
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
