I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
