i just google imaged poop.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
