Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
