just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
